How to Find Your Toddler’s Lost Shoe

We’ve all heard of dryers eating socks, which obviously really happens, but there is an even crazier phenomenon that affects toddler shoes. They don’t just get lost, they actually disappear. They enter a different dimension and you have to go through a series of steps to get them to reappear in ours. It’s your basic Science Fiction stuff, which I don’t have time to explain to you, but just re-watch those last two Harry Potter movies and it explains it all in there.

Simply follow all these steps (no skipping to the last step, that doesn’t work) and then, trust me, you’ll find the missing shoe. You’re welcome.

  1. Ask your toddler repeatedly where he had his shoe last and follow him around the house for 30 minutes hoping he will lead you to the shoe.
  2. Look everywhere in the house the shoe could possibly be (under beds, behind long curtains you forgot to hem because you aren’t Martha Stewart, under the couch, in the laundry basket).
  3. Take him to Costco and Target without the shoe, he doesn’t need shoes to ride in the basket anyway.
  4. Look everywhere in the house the shoe couldn’t possibly be (in the dishwasher, in the oven, stored with the Christmas decorations, in the spidery-est corner of the basement crawl-space).
  5. Measure your child’s feet to see if perhaps he is ready for the next size of shoe (he won’t be, but you have to do this step).
  6. Put your toddler to bed and resolve to find the shoe tomorrow with “fresh eyes.”
  7. The next day: remind yourself that “fresh eyes” is something only young and/or child-free people have and move to step 8.
  8. Repeat steps 1-4.
  9. Go on Zappos and pick out a new pair of shoes for your child and buy them.
  10. 1 hour later the shoe will reappear in our dimension – behind the long curtains you forgot to hem.

Don’t feel bad that you didn’t see the shoe there before – when you checked yesterday, it wasn’t there! But now it is. Basic Science Fiction.

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