If a Tree Falls in the Forest and No One Instagrams it…Did it Really Happen?

More importantly, if a baby is born, and he is not prominently featured on his parents’ social media updates, does he really exist at all?

My husband and I have been pondering this issue. Our boy is now 5 months old and we haven’t posted a single pic of him online, save for a pic of me and my husband holding him where you can just see the back of his head.

We haven’t posted his face for a couple of reasons. Basically, we don’t want any random person to be able to google and find pics of my child from the first glorious shot of him coming out of my C-section, all the way through until his first day of college. I’m not sure how my kid would feel about that when he’s older, so I want to respect his right to privacy…I guess?

I can’t help but wonder if not having pictures online makes him even more strange. You know how on those detective dramas, if the suspect doesn’t have a credit history it’s like he never existed or he’s definitely some kind of freak?

The detectives are like:

Blonde newbie lady detective: This perp has no priors, and also, has never used Facebook.

Hardened older guy detective, showing her the ropes: Well I think we both know what that means.

BNLD: Gasp, what?

HOGD: It’s either a false identity, or this guy is a real freak of nature. I mean, come on, everyone posts pictures on Facebook…unless they are rapists! I think we’ve caught our guy. I just hope we can track him down without any recent status updates.

So, is online presence since birth going to be the future’s credit card records? If my baby doesn’t have every photo of himself posted online, will future employers not want to hire him? Will future girlfriends not be interested in dating him?

Ginger: Should I swipe left or right? (apparently Tinder is still a thing in 20 years and my son is on it, not sure how I feel about that)

Cindy: Look him up online…let’s see that first bath pic, first day of kindergarten, you know, the important background stuff.

Ginger: He doesn’t have any pics online.

Cindy: Shut it down; that guy is definitely a serial killer…didn’t you watch last week’s  CSI?