Everybody knows that people like to give advice to parents, and we all know we shouldn’t. But we all know people who do it anyway.
If you’re reading this and you’re thinking, “I don’t know anyone who gives unsolicited advice to strangers, who would do that?” then look in the mirror, because that person is you.
The other day I took my 6-mo-old to Costco for some mommy and baby time. Also, we and all the other SAHMs really needed 60 rolls of toilet paper.
And you know those samples of food they give out, and the workers sit behind their tables and wear those plastic sandwich baggies for gloves, you know, to keep everything clean? (I’d like to see your food handler’s license please while I eat this tiny piece of spanakopita…mmm 50 for $5.99, you say?)
Well, I usually don’t eat the samples, because when I go to the store with baby I have exactly 43 minutes to get in, get out, get home, and then baby will need something urgently! So, there’s no time to dawdle behind senior citizens for a free tiny portion of wild rice that you get to eat with a plastic gelato spoon. But I was super thirsty, and there was a sample table for almond milk (Costco, how do you always know what I need right when I need it? First a 40 pack of razors that wasn’t even on my list, and now a thirst-quenching bevie).
When I took the dixie cup, and tried to drink it, the sample lady shouted: “Wait, you shouldn’t give that to your baby!” –who was sitting in the cart a good 2 feet away. What did she think I was going to do, throw it over my shoulder at him? And at this point, of course, about 10 other moms and 5 seniors stopped their carts to look at me and judge me for my poor parenting decision.
So, as I turned to push my cart away, I yelled back at her: “Are you kidding? I only feed him 100% organic breastmilk!” I’m not sure why I added the word Organic; I think I just wanted it to sound, you know, official.
And I made sure the word breastmilk was a little extra loud, so everyone could hear it, because I find anytime you yell the word breast in public, people tend to not want to talk to you anymore and stay out of your business.
Which is good because I had 13 minutes left to get out of there.
One thought on “Sample our Advice”
Bwahahahaha! This is hilariously written and I can see everything unfolding with all the details!!!
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